What you are about to read is based on both personal experience and observation, I’ve literally Been There and Done That. It took me two trips to the Texas prison system to figure it out, I had to 'get it wrong' before I 'Got it right'. I work from empirical evidence, for the layman that means proof. Proof that it works, I am an expert in having traveled both paths, by following these guidelines I have managed to do pretty well, and you can too.You may be thinking, it doesn't apply to you, well I am here to tell you that parolees have far more in common when it comes to thinking and behavior than most would like to admit. Make a list of all the reasons people get their parole violated you will see some common themes, and that's where the list comes from.One of the greatest skills you can ever develop is learning from other people's mistakes, take my word, it's a lot less painful than first hand experience. So, for what it's worth you are getting the benefit of my experience, let me tell you, some of it has been pretty painful.


How To Get It Wrong


  1. Getting Your Priorities Out of Order-A girl(or guy), sharp clothes, a killer ride, lots of Bling. Hey, you gotta look good after all those years of wearing clothes that someone else wore the day before, right? There is nothing wrong with having any or even all of these things, but, parole comes first, that is, if you plan to get to the point of having these other things.
  2. Playing The Victim Role-This is a popular mindset. It's not right, it's not fair, it's not legal, on and on. It's parole, deal with it. That doesn't mean that you can't work to get things changed, you can, but not from behind bars.
  3. Thinking That All The Rules Don't Apply To You-OK, the laws effecting you weren't in place when you got your time, sorry, but they still apply. You can scream all you want about Ex Post Facto until you are blue in the face. Read the Court rulings if you just have to, but that will only prove what you already know.
  4. Thinking Your Parole Officer Is 'Out To Get You'-Sorry, but you are not that important, parole officers have way too many people to supervise to spend their time plotting ways to 'get you'. If you have this mindset, you can count on your subconscious mind to find ways to validate your false(and it is false) belief.
  5. Being Confrontational With Your Parole Officer-Reverse roles here for a moment, how would you deal with someone walking into your office with a chip on their shoulder? Think you are going to get much leeway like that? That's not to say there aren't personality clashes because they do happen. In a case like this my suggestion is to always have someone with you when you meet.
  6. Thinking You Can Live Your Old Lifestyle Under Parole Conditions-The number of people I have seen crash and burn under this false assumption could be an entire book in itself. Your old life is dead and gone, rightly considered you should be glad that it is. If you were to go back to that moment that got you in trouble would you really want to live like that again?
  7. Minimizing 'Bad Behavior'-You drink, you drug, you hang out, no big deal right? You can handle it, your not the same person anymore, don't bet on it. Do you really want to be sitting in jail asking yourself what the hell happened? Minimizing will ensure you maximize your time locked up.
  8. Not Knowing The Rules of Your Parole-Ignorance is not bliss and it's not a valid excuse for violating a parole condition. Read every line of the paperwork you get, ask questions if your aren't clear.
  9. Not Dealing With What Got You In Trouble In The First Place-Whatever it may have been that got you put in prison, guess what, if you didn't start dealing with it while you were still there you could already be in trouble. And if you don't at least start dealing with it now you are most assuredly in trouble. Hey, I haven't (put your problem behavior here) in X years! Yeah, but you were in prison all that time, remember? A good friend of mine said it clearly when he told me, 'You know why I quit doing drugs?' (Drum roll please) Because they locked me up.
  10. Thinking You Can Catch Up On The Lost Time-The world is moving at hyper-speed, there is no 'catching up'. What you have to do is get up to speed and that will take time. If you move too fast the stress will lead you somewhere that you would rather not be. Take your time, focus on the priorities.
  11. Thinking You Can Have Just One Drink-If alcohol got you in trouble in the first place, this is pretty obvious. But face it nobody thinks clearly when they are drinking. Getting arrested for DWI or public intoxication is a sure way to a violation. And don't even start to tell yourself you won't get caught, that's so cliche it's not even funny anymore.
  12. Thinking You Can Do Drugs Just One Time-Like alcohol, if drugs got you in trouble, you just know where this is going to go. Because mandatory drug testing is standard, you will get caught. And with employers now testing a lost job is most likely, even if you don't get violated.
  13. Hanging Out With Old Friends-Unless they have changed their ways it doesn't take a genius to figure out you shouldn't be around these people. When trouble comes, and it will, you know the parolee is the first suspect and the first to go to jail.
  14. Hanging Out In Old Places-Like old friends, old places trigger old thinking and behaviors. Think of it as going back to the scene of the crime. Hey, look, this is where all my trouble started, I’m so happy to be here-NOT!
  15. Be Angry All The Time-This isn't going to change anything, you can't focus on what you need to do in order to remain on parole successfully by being upset all the time. Your entire focus will be on how 'bad' things are, and again, you get what you focus on. We can all find things to be angry about everyday if we focus on that.
  16. Let Everything Frustrate You-Giving up, throwing in the towel, going back to 'Your old ways', any way you choose to put it. Behind lapsing into old behavior this is probably the #2 reason people screw up their parole. And then justifying it with a long list of reasons.
  17. Feel Guilty About Your Past Behavior-Beating yourself up is pointless, hell yes, knowing what we know now all of us, in our right mind, would go back and do things differently. Fact is you can't go back, and you may not be able to 'fix' the things you've done either, but you can do things differently from this point forward. Oh, and don't let other people use guilt to 'punish' you either.
  18. Making Judgments About Fairness-A very wise individual once told me something that really upset me, mainly because it was so undeniably true. Life is neither fair nor unfair, it simple is. I really hated hearing that and no doubt you do too. Simple truth is that 'fairness' is a judgment, and like all judgments, it depends on where you happen to be standing at the time.
  19. Thinking The World Owes You Anything-Nobody owes you a thing, not a job, not a place to live, nothing, period. The State may owe you a set of clothes and a check, but beyond that everything, and I do mean everything, is up to you. Yes, it's difficult to find those things, but realize that it's also a numbers game and to 'win' you have to keep playing, no matter what.
  20. Any Personal Issues That You Haven't Dealt With-This is where you get honest with yourself, this can be just about anything that could or would lead you back to prison. Nobody knows this but you, get honest and do what you gotta do to 'fix it', whatever 'it' may be.

Now that you you know how to 'Get it wrong', here are some ways to 'Get it right'.


  1. Follow the rules and your parole conditions-You don't have to agree, you don't have to like it, but successful parole depends on it.
  2. Get your priorities straight-Not according to what you want, but according to what works. It's parole first, then everything else, because if you don't get that right, there won't be anything else.
  3. Get some help dealing with what got you in trouble in the first place-This can be as simple as AA/NA or as complex as therapy, whatever it takes, just do it. You may think you can handle it now, whatever 'it' is, but remember where your best thinking got you.
  4. Have a support network-Family, friends, counselors, whomever. People who are there for you, people who will hold you accountable. Seek advice and counsel when you are unsure what to do. Add a Spiritual element here too, whatever that may mean for you. The idea that, no matter what, you have a sense that everything is going to be OK.
  5. Work-If you are able, if not, find something productive to do with your time. You know what they say about idle hands. Far too many of us got in trouble because we had too much time on our hands, that should be reason enough. There is always something productive that you can be doing.
  6. Laugh and Smile-It may sound cliche' but we all know people back in prison who would trade places with us in a minute. Gratitude is a powerful reminder, I am constantly encouraged to count my Blessings and they are many.
I didn't get this far by accident, and it hasn't always been smooth and easy. A friend of mine with a long criminal history said, going to jail is easy, but you have to 'man up' to make it on parole. Yeah, really, that's it in a nutshell. Hey, if it doesn't work out for you, you can always go back, right? But I’m gonna assume that isn't on your list of ways to handle it.


How often I write in this blog depends, I have other people dictating my time too. If you have in questions, comments, feedback feel free to contact me because that will dictate the direction this blog goes. All I can offer is the benefit of my experience, that's a heck of a lot cheaper than a therapist, an attorney and having to figure it out by trial and error.


Dave







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